Opposable What?
by FebrezingTheHomeless
Summary: After a spontaneous nap, the hamsters are...well, not hamsters anymore. Waking up in a strange place and having strange opposable thumbs isn't the worst. Their developing relationships are in danger due to the appeal of other humans and social status! Typical high school trouble ensues. Please review! It encourages me, the author.
1. Chapter 1

Hamha!

I think I'm going crazy, writing fictional tales about hamsters. But at least I know I'm not alone!

**:::**

"They're called opposable thumbs."

"Opposable what's?"

"Laura has them!"

"All humans have them."

"Ohkwee!"

"Vhat are vey called again?"

Maxwell sighed and rubbed his temples. He was the only levelheaded hamster, well, human now, around here. The hamsters, while convening in the clubhouse, had all been struck with a sudden urge to sleep, and when they had woke, they weren't in the clubhouse, and they weren't hamsters. The first thing they had all noticed was their fingers.

"Opposable thumbs. Guys, we shouldn't be worried about our body parts, we should be trying to figure out where we are!" Boss declared loudly. He stood on a rock, hands outstretched. Like everyone else, he was human, but a bit older than the teenagers strewn across the ground. His hat clung loosely to his unruly cropped hair.

"He's right!" The real (but oblivious to the fact that he could even be it) leader, Hamtaro, exclaimed. He stood upright, stumbling a little. The ginger-haired boy began to help up other humans around him. Bijou, waiting for her turn to hold Hamtaro's hand, held back her disappointment when Boss's rough and callused hands brought her to her feet. She mumbled a slight 'thank you'.

"I think," Dexter said loudly, looking straight at Pashmina to see if she was paying attention, "that we are in a field!" He pointed at the grassy terrain for emphasis.

"A striped field!" Howdy shouted, glancing at Pashmina. He knocked Dexter over with his new hips and pointed to the white stripe.

"Um…guys…fields aren't striped unless…" Stan looked around. Sandy suddenly yelped, grabbing Maxwell's hand and yanking him out of the way. The others followed suite, confused as to what they were escaping from.

"Cat?" Oxnard shrieked in alarm. Boss shook his head.

"Football players."

The burly, uniformed boys sprinted past the teenagers. A few of them stopped and gave strange looks to the them. Bijou clung to Hamtaro. He grunted in pain as her nails dug into his pale skin. Then, a sharp piercing shriek rang in their ears.

"OWW!" They all screamed.

"What is that inhumanly sound?" Cappy wailed, pulling his green cap over his long brown hair and curling into a ball.

"Get off the field!"

"It's a whistle," Stan explained, pulling Pashmina to her feet and pointing out the man at the other edge of the field, shouting at them and gesturing with his hands.

"I say we get off the field!" Howdy commanded, marching onward. The rest of the bunch shrugged and followed him, not knowing what else to do. Penelope clutched Pashmina, flinching slightly when the man with the whistle jerked his chin at her to move. She had tan skin and big brown eyes- overall, an adorable girl. Her yellow bandana wasn't as good a coverage as the blanket she usually wore, but if she let the long brown hair constricted in braids out of their bindings, then maybe that'd be enough to at least comb over her face. Unlike the others, she wasn't a teenager, merely a middle school student at best, but Cappy and Panda were just as young as her too, so she knew she wasn't alone.

Bijou was still holding on tightly to Hamtaro's jacket, scared and confused. Even as a human, she was of elegant beauty, with hair so blond, it could be called white, still in its ribbons. She had never been a plump hamster, but filled out healthily. In this human body, she was as slender as sticks, with legs hugged by blue jeans and tiny feet held in orange sneakers. It wasn't the French attire she adored, but compared to some of the other things people were dressed in, she preferred it.

"What's the div…ing…te…am?" Panda sounded out, squinting closely at Cappy's sweatshirt. The words DIVING TEAM were stacked on top of one another in the middle, with an icon of a little figure diving into water.

"I don't know…" He muttered, bashfully shoving his hands in his pockets. He was too shy and modest to admit that he had won the gold at the Ham-Ham Games in the divingcompetition.

"Where should we go?" The group had assembled at the things called 'bleachers', (named by Maxwell).

"Laura's house!" Hamtaro suggested fondly. Bijou's face drained of any remaining color. (She was, after all, a pale girl.) Now that Hamtaro was the same species as Laura, he could pursue a relationship with the human girl he had admired so much.

"I vote to not vo there!" Bijou blurted out.

"She's right, Hamtaro. Laura's busy with school and stressed out. All of our owners have better things to do than worry about us," Pashmina explained, her voice sweet. Shivering, she wrapped the pink scarf tighter around her neck. Her short golden hair was let down and wasn't really keeping her head warm, so the scarf would have to do.

"Are you cold? Here, have my…" Howdy searched his attire for something for her to wear. Apron? That wouldn't work.

"Get off the field!"

"I feel like we're forgetting something…" Penelope muttered, her first words that anyone besides Pashmina had heard her speak.

"Ohmygosh! Snoozer!" Panda hopped down from the bleachers and sprinted across the field with the football team, heading for the brown haired boy in the sleeping bag. Craftily, he jumped through the tires on the ground, pushed the whole weight across the field, and then picked Snoozer up and went back. The man on the edge, (Maxwell called him a coach), watched him, mouth agape.

"Boy…I don't know who you are, but that was skill. Would you like to be on the football team?"

"Is it anything like the Diving Team?" He asked, adjusting Snoozer on his back. The coach didn't know what to say.

"Just…well…" The coach said, flustered. Panda sighed and then walked on, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. He set Snoozer down.

"Okay, let's look at the big picture." Boss decided. They nodded in agreement.

"So, we fall asleep."

"Then we woke up."

"And we were humans!"

"And ve vere almost vun over!"

"And now what?"

They all sighed and looked at one another.

"I want sunflower seeds!" Oxnard barked.

It was going to be a long day.

**:::**

I'd like to say that I'm a loyal author and that I update every chance I can, but I don't. I'm lazy, and my attention span is lacking. But I will try! It's hard to come up with ideas about humanoid hamsters…Anyway, try to expect an update every Sunday or something. I'm horrible at keeping a routine so it could be earlier or later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Doubt that this is being read is washing through me…but at least I know by looking at traffic stats! *Evil laugh***

_We left off with the Ham-Hams gathering on the bleachers, stumped at what to do next and how they came to be human. Meanwhile, in another setting, two other hamsters find that they too, have been graced with skin and opposable thumbs._

"This isn't natural, phft! GAH! My phft sound doesn't feel right on my tongue anymore…"

"That's good because it didn't sound right before."

The two figures had landed in a high tree, the male declaring shortly afterward he would fly off and leave the female. But his wings were a prop and he found that they slid off his shoulders and onto the ground. The female had suggested they call for help, but the boy, stubborn as ever, said he would get them out and didn't need anyone else.

"Spat, you have a thing about heights, I know you do, so let's just call for help." Harmony sighed, staring at the people on the ground that looked like ants.

"No, Harmony, I can do this, just you-"

"**HELP!**" He groaned and clung harder to the trunk of the tree. She was on a branch higher up, but he had made the mistake of looking up to be met with the view of what lies beneath a human female hamster's skirts, and was reminded why he tried to demolish love. He was protecting all males from viewing THAT!

_On some bleachers, a familiar sounding cry for help reaches the ears of several ham-hams, and they get up to venture to the source of the call, hoping that the hamster they assumed was calling them would have answers._

"Let's analyze the situation. First, we should call truce." Harmony said firmly, uncomfortably twirling her white blond hair.

"Why would I call truce with you, phft? You're my ENEMY!"

"SPAT! We're stuck in a TREE, and you want to continue to fight when I have the advantage because whatever transported us here left me with my wand so I can bonk you on the head at any time and they didn't give you your pitchfork?"

"I have my wits."

"Just…Okay, secondly, I think we should try to find the other ham-hams."

"You mean that pesky bunch of hamsters with the ginger for a leader and the French girl?"

"Hamtaro and Bijou."

"Whatever. But I guess I agree with you, phft. I don't wanna be stuck with YOU this whole time."

She rolled her eyes and glanced down at the gothic looking boy. The wind was blowing the black hair into his lined eyes. He must've been cold with the ripped jeans and black shirt and jacket. She giggled to herself when she caught sight of his collar. He was like a dog with the spiked thing around his neck!

"Spat, out of all the troubled Ham-hams that require my help, you need it the most."

"No way, phft! I don't wanna fall in LOVE!"

"I didn't say that. Friendship has the same effect too."

"Ugh. Friends."

"Okay, why are you so bitter?" She shrieked. She caught sight of a familiar orange head and blowing blue ribbons down on the ground.

"Cause I hate you." He answered with a snort, nonchalantly. That was a low blow to the angel of love, but he wasn't able to see the hurt on her face.

_Down on the ground, the Ham-hams debated who should go up to help down their friend and enemy. To his utter horror, Boss was chosen because he was the strongest. He decided he would do it when Hamtaro whispered in his ear that it might impress Bijou. _

"My one wish right now, Spat, is that you stop saying phft."

He was about to answer but he was unable due to the buff man shimmying up towards him.

"Boss!" Harmony said with relief.

"Hi, Harmony!" He cheered. To Spat, he nodded in acknowledgement with a grumbling tone, saying, "Spat."

_Eventually, the two were rescued from the tree. This was done by Harmony climbing onto Boss's back and him climbing down to safety. Spat was not so lucky. As Boss made his way back up, Spat became impatient and threw a tantrum about Boss's speed and found himself tumbling backwards off his branch and onto the ground. Had Pashmina not seen Spat's descent, Penelope would have been his cushion. _

"As you can see, Harmony, we have a dilemma!" Hamtaro cried, gesturing to his body. Though he didn't know it, he was quite good looking for a human boy, with a lean physique, yet muscled enough to make girls swoon.

"I wish I knew what was happening, but I have just about as much knowledge as you," She sighed, turning to look at all the desperate faces.

"Maybe we should focus on where we'll stay tonight. We can't all fit in Laura's room!" Hamtaro exclaimed. Several human hamsters put their head in their hands, wondering why Hamtaro was so oblivious to just about everything. A yawn interrupted their thoughts.

"I think…we…should go…there…" Snoozer murmured, pointing groggily at a mattress store.

"A mattress store?" Snoozer fell back asleep, snuggling deep into the sleeping bag.

"That might work!" Everyone looked at Spat who had just then awoke from his unconscious state. He groaned at the bruises he had developed, but got up anyway.

"If we go in unnoticed and hide, I can disable security and we can sleep there for the night, exiting in the morning before the owners arrive," He said devilishly, his dark eyes flashing with the thrilling adventure idea.

"I hate to agree with Spat, but it seems as if that's our only option now." Dexter declared.

_And so, the brave hamsters/humans entered the store with stealth, although I wouldn't describe it as stealth. A giant bell was strategically placed above the door to make any entering customers known to the salesmen. After a while of chatting mindlessly with the only employee there, Howdy grew bored, teamed up with Spat, and together, they tackled the salesman, bound him, and threw him in the closet for the night. Though the hamsters all were aghast at this, they were glad to have him out of the way and settled in, preparing for the rough day they had ahead of them. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Like I said, I am a flakey and unreliable person, so here it is, early, because I just can't hold it in any longer. I don't have anything to do at night, I always bore myself awake (don't ask, it just happens), so yeah…Well, I took a reviewer's suggestion, (You know who you are, because you subscribed to my story so you're reading right now...I hope. Am I that boring that everyone skips the author's note?), and here's a bit more of another character. It's kind of just a fun chapter, it doesn't really get anywhere.**

_The hamsters/humans slept peacefully that night, some more peaceful than others because some were able to claim the TempurPedic® before others were able to. However, one hamster was restless. His fingers, a fascinating thing if you asked him, itched to move, in fact, now that he had more power, he could build more. But he didn't have the tools, yet he had something that could get him the wealth that was needed to purchase any tools. He had skills._

"Look, I'll join your football team…" It had taken several trial and errors, but Panda had been able to round up enough change and to figure out how to work the payphone and understand the numbers on the card the coach had given him.

"It's 5:00 A.M. in the morning, boy! And you want to join my FOOTBALL team?" The man screamed on the other end. Panda held the phone away from his ear in an attempt to soften the noise, but it sounded the same at every distance. That coach had volume!

"I'm listening," The coach finished after his long rant about waking him up at such a time on a Saturday.

"Well, see I'm tight on money and-"

"Boy, I've never seen such skill, and I will cover all transportation and jersey costs!"

"I don't know what that is, so okay, but also…I'll only play if you give me money."

There was silence on the other end.

"Coach?"

More silence. Panda flicked a coin up and watched it fall on the cracked metal of the phone booth, waiting for a response. After what seemed like hours and five more quarters, the coach uttered two words.

"How much?"

:::

15 bucks an hour, and if he went to 8 practices, he would have enough for a good hammer, a semi-good drill, and any extra would go for materials and a bit set for the drill. Wrenches were something you could snatch from any car shop with mechanics, (they wouldn't notice), and a saw would take 4 games to save up for. The games got extra payment, 20 dollars each game they won, and "With you on our side, boy," Coach has said, "We'll win every game!"

:::

_Yes, Panda had fooled his coach into paying him for going to practices and games, and he was as happy as he ever could be. He had to hold in his excitement, knowing that if he even mentioned one word of it to his companion Cappy, the green capped boy would immediately go into a long lecture about how unfair that was. Of course, whenever Cappy got especially obnoxious, Panda would just bring up Penelope and Cappy would hide under his hat, shouting he would never come out again. _

_Practices were tough. Not physically, mind you, because Panda excelled at football. The boys on the team were envious of the strange boy that everyone called Panda. He had not introduced himself as that, he had become Patrick, but one boy had noted that the rings around his eyes were especially dark and that he looked like a panda bear! After a fit of laughter, the coach and the boys dubbed him Panda again. That didn't mean all was well._

"You got a girlfriend, Panda?"

"Nah. The girls in my…er, neighborhood are all taken."

"They're probably just faking it so you won't get on their case."

_Uncalled for comments rang out, all because Panda was an amazing athlete. Every little mistake he made was molded into an atomic bomb that would explode immediately._

"PANDA TRIPPED!"

"Not as good as a star player as they say ya are, eh, Pan?"

"If you do that at a game, Panda, you'll make us lose!"

_But Panda didn't care. He was happy with his real friends, and bill by bill, he was able to purchase all the tools he wanted. Of course, the hamsters began to wonder where he found all this merchandise, to which he did not have an answer. _

:::

**Yeah, just a Panda filler, as requested. Of course, this isn't the end of Panda, he'll be mentioned and probably have an awesome game in which the hamsters discover his secret passion of football but yeah, that probably won't happen because that would be a SPOIL~ER!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I have such a hard time with Bijou's dialogue. I'm a freaking Mexican-Japanese mixture, I don't know anything about French people except that their fries are AWESOME! A French accent is hard to put in…So sorry if she has crappy sounding vocabulary. She'll be saying very few things.**

:::

_The morning after, the hamsters let the salesman out of the closet, and asked him politely to not call the police. Panda tackled him to the ground before he could reach the phone, and Penelope asked him sweetly to please not call the police. His heart melted at the sight of the small girl, and he promised he wouldn't if they found a new place to sleep. Thus, the hamsters were homeless again, and looking for a solution. Now we join the group who sat at the bleachers yet again._

"I think ve should try to vit in, vecause veing a foreigner in a strange place is vot vun." Bijou proposed, pointing to the high school.

"She's right. We can't be a bunch of kids out on the street." Stan sighed, absentmindedly playing with the zipper of Snoozer's sleeping bag.

"But how do we get into the school? We can't just instantly show up as new students!" Hamtaro reasoned. Panda's shoulders sagged. Cappy noticed this, and looked at him quizzically.

"I think…" Panda said quietly, yet gaining everyone's attention at the same time. "I know a way we can get in unnoticed and on the attendance list."

:::

_The hamsters yet again raided another mattress store, and threw the salesman in the closet again. It was a life of crime for these hamsters, but they let him out, so was it really? The football genius snuck his way out again, this time bringing his capped friend along. They were also forced to bring the yellow-clad little girl with them, due to the fact that she woke up and Cappy had to cover her mouth from screaming and drag her outside._

"What are you doing?" Penelope hissed, watching as Panda popped some quarters into the phone.

"He's getting us into high school. Well, the others high school, we have to go to middle school." Cappy explained glumly. Panda held the phone to his ear, waiting for the coach to pick up. It was an absurd time to be calling again, but he needed to do it when the other hamsters didn't know.

Penelope yawned, but didn't want to go back to sleep. She was in on Panda's secret now, too, and though it never seemed like she was a curious girl, she had always loved secrets.

"Hello? It'd better not be you, Patrick." The coach groaned groggily.

"Er, um, sorry, Coach." Panda said awkwardly, turning away from the two out of embarrassment.

"What do you want now? I'm already paying YOU to go to my practices and games."

"Well, see…"

_The boy called 'Panda' explained everything to the coach- __**everything.**__ The man, of course, did not believe for one second that Panda and his friends were once hamsters, but agreed to enroll the hamsters in anyway because Panda dropped the price of his practices. This meant he would have to go to more, and the coach wanted Panda to join the team without bribery._

"Okay, guys, it's done." Panda told them, turning around and sneaking back into the store without making eye contact with them, because he really hadn't meant for the coach to be this important to them. He sighed and climbed back on to the twin bed he had next to Cappy's. They were going to start school this Wednesday.

:::

**Short chapter. Panda and the coach have become too important already, so this is probably the last you'll hear of Panda for awhile, because I mainly started this story for more Cappy and Penelope to tell you the truth, because I don't see a lot of those. Thank you for all the reviews, everyone who is reading this! **

**I hate to be a nuisance as well, but I probably need to name the coach. Any ideas? I lack in coming up with last names, and it is not going to be Coach Smith, Johnson, Rogers, or anything like that. I want some character to him, because he's very grouchy and I've sort of come to like him.**


	5. Chapter 5

**My first constructive criticism review…sigh…I do apologize for the small chapters, but even though its summer vacation, I've been super busy with the list of things I have to do today, you see, I am the offspring of a geek mother, and she wants me to be productive with my day! By the time I get to this, I'm so tired from all the yard work, math, exercise, and much, much, more I am to do. **

**No one cares.**

**On with it then.**

:::

_After more bargaining with the coach, the hamsters found themselves placed in the world of high schoolers, an unsuitable position for them. _

**Wednesday, 9:00 A.M.**

**Biology**

Hamsters and science did not mix.

"Vhat…Vhat am I supposed to voo?" Bijou stuttered, the slicing knife poised above the frog's stomach. Hamtaro, who had nearly upchucked their measly breakfast of cashews found in the mattress store staff room, had nominated Bijou, being his science partner, to do the deed.

"You're supposed to cut it!" Boss cried cheerfully, diving the knife head on into its abdomen. The purplish guts spilled out over the tray. There was a clatter of a knife as Bijou fainted, skillfully and gracefully into Hamtaro's awaiting arms. Unfortunately, the queasy boy saw the innards as well and collapsed unconscious to the floor.

"Are they always like this?" Mrs. Grummage grumbled to the only boy in the new lot who she liked. Dexter sighed. "I'm afraid so. Especially that one." He pointed at Howdy, who was currently flirting with Pashmina.

**10:00 A.M.**

**History**

Maxwell had taught the whole class.

Sandy cheered him on the whole time.

**11:00 A.M.**

**Geometry**

"This is all a bunch of coloring shapes!" Stan shouted to no one in particular. He was sent to the principal.

And finally, at 12:00 P.M., the hamsters were sent into the worst period of all. Lunch.

They had expected to all sit at a table together, but unfortunately, there was a dilemma. The hamsters had been good looking hamsters in their animal bodies, and they were just as good looking in human form.

Pashmina, being one who always tried to be a nice and caring person and who would not hurt someone's feelings, was rudely called over to the jock's table.

"Yes?" She asked nicely, waving away the fuming Dexter and Howdy.

"Why don't you sit here, new girl?" The high school boy gestured to his lap with a perverted smile.

"I'm…er…I…" She didn't want to sit on the boy.

"Thanks for inviting us!" Howdy cut in. "Where should I sit?" He plopped right down on the jock's lap, reserved for Pashmina. "Thanks for offerin' a place to sit!" He chuckled. Pashmina held back her laugh at the look of surprise to the boy's face. He pushed Howdy off, but Dexter had already ushered her away.

That was not the only thing. Hamtaro was a very nice boy as well and did what he was told, being the obedient child, but he didn't really want to join the 'cheerleading squad' as Maxwell had called it, at their table.

"Any other boy would LOVE to sit here with us. Why won't you?" The 'head cheerleader', again, that's what Maxwell called it, swooned.

"I'd, well, I'd like to sit with my friends?" He said this as if he was asking permission to go sit with his friends. He was such a timid boy.

" 'Amtaro, sit with me!" Bijou cut in, smiling brightly. The blond cheerleader behind her was not happy, and pushed Bijou out of the way. "Back off!"

"Hey! That's not nice!" Hamtaro cried, helping Bijou up. Bijou was not as small and weak as everyone thought she was, and casually kicked the girl with super human force, back into her seat. Hamtaro, oblivious that Bijou was capable of such force, allowed himself to be lead away.

"Thanks, Bijou, I didn't think I would be able to handle them."

"It's no problem, 'Amtaro. Vesides, I'll valways ve there for vou."

"Really?" He asked, a blush rising to his cheeks.

"Veally. I veally like y-" She started, gathering her courage to confess, but was interrupted. Boss had interjected into their conversation, casually striking up his own with Hamtaro. Bijou sighed, dejected.

**1:00 P.M.**

**Gym**

"I can't!" Spat squealed, his heart racing. He had climbed the rope with ease, Harmony by his side on the other rope, racing him. But he had a thing about heights, like she had said. He had won the race upward, but coming down was not so fast. He couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Spat, on the count of three, you'll jump down."

"I'm not going to, and you know it, phth!"

"If you start that again, I swear I will-" Harmony sighed. Why were they always stuck up in high places together? She could climb down, no sweat, but she wasn't going to leave him there, even after what he'd crudely said to her.

"Spat, just climb down or jump!"

"No!" He whimpered. Finally, Harmony had enough. She swung her rope, back and forth, back and forth, until it passed by him. Then she let go of hers, grabbing Spat by the waist and yanking him off the rope. They fell to the mats; Harmony landing in a seated position on top of Spat's back as he lie face down, still screaming into the mat.

"Now was that so bad?" She mumbled under her breath.

**2:00 P.M.**

**Spanish**

"I don't understand a word these people are saying!" Stan shouted in English to no one in particular. He was sent to the Principal a second time.

_Yes, the hamsters had survived the school day, but barely. And not to mention they had tons of homework to accomplish. _

They had gathered in the public library to try and figure out what all this crazy junk was.

"I don't understand how the alphabet connects to math!" Boss cried, staring down at the simple _a squared+ b squared= c squared_.

"Okay, everyone, just pass in the homework to Dexter and I." Maxwell sighed. They, working together, had long figured out the answers on their homework and started copying their answers onto the other's papers. Cappy, Panda, and Penelope were struggling with their homework as well, and Dexter had to break away to explain what a hypotenuse was and how to insert commas in a sentence correctly.

"We're going to die in these human forms." Spat groaned.

"I HATE THIS!" Stan screamed to his homework. They were then kicked out of the library.

:::

**I think that'll do for now. I think I'll end each chapter with Stan screaming something, because that cracked me up a little, I don't know about you. See ya next week, and guys, I really will try to get some longer chapters, or shorter but more frequent updates. I'm being really harsh with myself for creating a chapter, because I want to complete this in a timely matter rather than drawing it out.**


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